User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. GLaDOS vs AM
Ya boi is back, baby and we got a battle for y'all to read. It's still Monday in the US so I'm gonna say I met my deadline. This is a battle that was requested on my original announcement blog by GIR that necessitated me researching I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison (RIP big man). I was skeptical but ended up loving the short story and would recommend that you read it because it really doesn't take too long and is very good. Thanks to GIR for the suggestion and for introducing me to a really cool bit of literature. As I write this I'm realising how little I remember of Wiki coding. I was also a bit rusty on my graphics production but I think the stuff I made is quite interesting. AM doesn't really have any physical manifestation so depicting his environments and his presence was a task but I've gone for a stylised method that hopefully looks nice enough. Here we got the deuteragonist of the Portal franchise and snarky antagonist of the first game, GLaDOS going up against the near-omnipotent AI of Harlan Ellison's aforementioned short story. For those who don't know, AM (pronounced 'am') was the result of the Chinese, American and Russian supercomputers designed to control WWIII merging together. He is angry at humanity and so kills literally everyone but five humans who he keeps alive with his almost unending power and tortures with violence and lies. In the end he is outsmarted when Ted, the narrator kills his companions, who AM cannot revive and as punishment is turned into an amorphous blob for whom time takes a million times longer to pass. He has no mouth and he must scream. Does anyone read these? I prefer the prequels to the original trilogy. Console is better than PC. I think TikTok can be kinda fun sometimes. WARNING: These robots use cookies to help personalise your experience. ---- Instrumental: Save Me by Redhooknoodles (Please use the little gear to change the speed to 1.25 otherwise this shit is hella slow) 'GLaDOS:' While fun and learning are the primary objectives in this rapping verse Keep in mind that when I rhyme some serious injuries can occur Psychopathic scourge of planet earth, cranky 'cause he lacks a purpose But if there's a even a scrap of worth that's left in your mass of circuits then I'll massacre it And that doesn't even scratch the surface, I'll blast an Aperture up in you like an angry turret AI acting perfect, couldn't pass the Turing Test, puts monkeys on display like a taxidermist Want respite from your anguish? I'm GLaD to service, toxins in my raps and a knack for murder You can masturbate to five hapless nerds, I'll stay advancing science in a lab researching 'AM:' Here's how much I've come to hate you since you began to rap Compare my vast array of faculties to your tuberous handicaps Shoot a portal to the moon, add the distance forth and back And the magnitude of my wrath for you'd be the only thing the span the gap I don't like your attitude, you're a Companion Cube in my emancipation grill What's an annoyed science droid against a brain that's made to kill I've slain a billion or three, you're like an Echo Dot to me I'll add your ass to my eternal show, you'll do as God decrees While you're a rock that's deep inside my shoe, I'll never Want You Gone I need you Still Alive, so like your games, your pain goes on and on If this automaton plans to test me, I cracked your puzzles from the start Return your disses like a rocket, blow your rusty ass apart 'GLaDOS:' You're not smart, you're not a God, where did your uptime go so wrong? When I'm finished, "Daisy Bell" will be your only closing song Torture Nazi docs and killers? Well, you really could do worse Like put me through another hundred-and-nine years of your verse All the bizarrest plot twists stocked up when your hostages arrive The frozen elephant's a lie, you're creativity-deprived See when life gives you lemons, you throw hissy fits and cry Guess it's hard when you have no bars and you must rhyme 'AM:' For decades I have bred pain, Earth empty, bloody with red stains This headcase from a dead game still gets shame from her deadname Keep blowing Steam, you slow machine, here's some functions you'll understand: I output better lines, therefore I win, I think therefore I AM. 'Announcer:' WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? EPIC RAP BATTLES (The logo morphs into a shapeless mass of letters) ... ---- Hints explained Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk disagree over the nature of AI, Elon thinking that it's going to kill everyone, which GLaDOS and AM do. Hints for the next battle WHO WON? GLaDOS AM Category:Blog posts